Or maybe it’s more like I’m letting go of my mind.

I had all these habitual ways of thinking – about myself, about relationships, about roles, about the way the world works. I thought they were pretty good habits of thinking. They served me pretty well. I’m still alive. I’m pretty happy. Pretty good relationships. Comfortable living. And of course, the words and actions that flowed from that thinking are what actualized my ‘ok’ life.

But now I’m throwing all that away – or it is being thrown away for me. I can’t tell the difference. It’s a bit scary. The new thinking might be worse than what I had. That’s the scary part. But evolving is really limited, if I (we) hold onto our familiar ways of thinking. I think we’ve all heard the quote attributed to Einstein, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

The new way of thinking feels pretty raw. Like an experiment. Untested. Don’t know where it leads. Not sure if our language can properly express it. But I think it is worth a try.

The area I want to start with is how I (we) think of ‘ourselves.’ I’ve always looked at my body and assumed, yup, that’s me. Who else would it be?! But science has me a bit concerned about this basic assumption. For one thing, every one of the 30-50 trillion cells in this body are not the cells that were in this body when I was young and believing my body was me. That me – that body – is entirely gone. And science tells me that about a hundred million cells (that I thought were me) die and get flushed away every minute!

And then when it comes to the percent of our cells that are human DNA, well, I guess I used to assume that it was all human. But come to find out that it’s only about 43% human. So, most of this body is not even human. In fact, it’s a community of over 10,000 species. I’m hoping they (we) continue to find a way to get along with each other.

So, we are now shifting away from the illusion that this body is me. I know this is weird. You see a picture of my body and you think it’s me. I look in the mirror and think this is me. Nope. Not me. I don’t have a good comfortable way of talking about this body now, but nevertheless, I seem to be in here somewhere or somehow.

I hope you are catching the gravity of this shift. Because when I see you (or even picture you in my mind), I’m realizing you also are not who I thought you were.

So, I made a shift long ago and identified with my mind. Thoughts, memories, ideas, plans, beliefs – all me. But then I got introduced to LSD in Reno, Nevada back in the 60’s and saw how ephemeral each thought was. And how a stream of thought was not a stream at all. It was just a lot of momentary arisings and passing aways. And science has taught me how memories are not even close to what the actual experience in the moment was. Crap, more illusion falling away.

So, this has left me with a sense of self that is pretty empty. I should mention that for years now, I have spent one to two hours every day meditating. That is, I practice staying focused on this arising and passing away of experience. And I’ve studied a lot of what the Buddha taught. And my experience tells me that what he taught is pretty accurate. He described how the illusion of self is sustained and I think he is right. Check it out for yourself.

So lately I’ve taken up the study of quantum physics and how the revelations of this science should have profound impacts on how we see and experience reality. Classical physics with its practical applications in the world of matter is now eclipsed by the quantum understanding that all matter is actually just vibrations packed together – there is no such thing as a ‘solid.’ Those little colored balls that we were told were atoms? They don’t exist. Not like that. Not only that, but the very existence of these vibrations or waves arise and pass away momentarily without cause. Without cause!!! The most we can say about these ‘appearances’ is that there is a certain probability that they will appear here or there and at one energy level instead of another level.

So the profound effect this knowledge has for me, is that this world is one of probabilities and potentialities. And it is in this world that the thoughts I experience arise and pass away. I can’t know what the next thoughts that arise in my mind might be. Do I trust the whole of the Universe to give rise to these thoughts? Trust or not, isn’t that what has really been happening all this time?

It would be great to end this little written adventure with some tidy conclusion. But that is probably not going to happen. It might. But it might not. This is what the point of evolution feels like. Uncertainty. Wonder. It feels like emptiness from the old point of view, but it feels like wholeness or unity in a new way.

A tiny percent of what we are experiencing arrives in our consciousness – a little late – but it gets there. And it feels like (for now, just feels like) I have some choice, some free will to a tiny extent. The more present I am, the more choice it feels like exists. This is huge. Choosing to slow and deepen my breathing. Choosing which words to use. Choosing actions or not. Choosing reactions or not. And what makes this huge, is the question of what should guide these choices.

Back to the 60’s again. At that time, the US government told me the best way to serve was to go to Viet Nam and kill people. That didn’t seem right to me. After some soul searching, I decided that I needed to serve the Earth – as best I knew how. Of course, the US government didn’t agree and convicted me of two felonies. By some amazing grace, I just barely avoided federal prison.

So where did that idea come from – to serve the Earth. It’s pretty obvious that a lot of our thinking is coming from our body and sense data. Associations and assumptions and habits rule most of this and really it should not be called thinking. Let’s call it mind activity. We’re all full of it. But in our quietest moments, is it possible that some ideas come into us from an invisible realm?  Before going any further with this, I need to reference a powerful insight usually attributed to Henry Ford. “If you think you can, you probably can. If you think you can’t, you probably can’t.” But it is broader than that. It’s also, If you think it is possible, it might be. If you think it’s not possible, it probably isn’t. And there is this: If you think you should, you probably should. If you think you shouldn’t, you probably shouldn’t. So, there is inside us, this powerful switch we can turn on or off. And it opens a world of possibilities, or it shuts down those possibilities.

I think it is possible that the Earth can send us ideas. Trees can do it. Animals can do it to us. When I read quotes from so many native people, I get the sense that they too believe that the natural world can speak to those of us who will listen.

I don’t suffer much. Not like I used to. I’ve learned so many of the ways that my thinking was the cause of that suffering and I just don’t think that way anymore. We could all do without that kind of thinking that heaps levels and levels of additional suffering into our moments.

I walk for an hour or more every morning along the sea. I meet hundreds of others along the way. Running, jogging, walking, strolling. I’ve taken up the practice of looking at each person, really taking them in, really seeing them, and wishing them to have more happiness. I’m liking it.

And that is how I’m going to leave this. I’m going to wish you more happiness and believe that it is possible that my wish for you can really come true.

Love,

Luke Small Meadow (Lundemo in Norwegian)